Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
