I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
