This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
