I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
