Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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