we made out on top of his cat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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