cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize