Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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