Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think my mom watched the whole time
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
