the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
