Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
