her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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