My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
