I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My dick has a subreddit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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