apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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