Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
