remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
