In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
