I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
