So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
