It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize