I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
