do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
