Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
