Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
