just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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