Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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