there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
