So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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