i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
