no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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