You work out of a Hotel?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
