Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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