Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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