Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
