yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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