I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
