you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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