we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
