he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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