Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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