Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize