I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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