Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
