You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
