i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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