he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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