Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
