did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
