Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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