I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
