I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
