I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
