He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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