He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
