he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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