I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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