if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize