i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do vagina's smell?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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