so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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