I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need moral support for this bender
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
