One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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