Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize