I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
