dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
