so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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