i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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