I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
