We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
