i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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