omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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