how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
