Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
