its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize