your parents love me but you hate me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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