What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
