Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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