Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
