Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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