i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
