Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
