This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
