she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize