I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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