Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
