The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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