Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
