i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
