Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
