I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
