Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
