if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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