Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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