either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cut my penus on the lid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
