Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
