you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
