How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
