I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
