Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
