Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
