I wish my penis had an off switch
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
