We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
