the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
